{"id":331,"date":"2020-06-22T11:34:02","date_gmt":"2020-06-22T10:34:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chandcounselling.co.uk\/blog\/?p=331"},"modified":"2025-05-15T10:50:31","modified_gmt":"2025-05-15T09:50:31","slug":"interrupt-discrimination-without-lifting-a-finger-talk-less-listen-more","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chandcounselling.co.uk\/writings\/interrupt-discrimination-without-lifting-a-finger-talk-less-listen-more\/","title":{"rendered":"Interrupt discrimination without lifting a finger: listen more, talk less"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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\u2018I\u2019m white in the mornings and brown in the evenings\u2019. This is what a four year-old of dual heritage told me recently. I wanted both to laugh and cry. And what this exemplifies is that the topic of race is as confusing \u2013 and conflicting – as it gets. Moreover, such feelings are far from limited to littles.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I think dialogue helps alleviate confusion \u2013 and indeed\ndiscrimination. So, I\u2019ve welcomed and appreciated hearing from some white\npeople that in amongst a cocktail of guilt, confusion and compassion, they feel\nvilified. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve had a bit of confusion of my own too \u2013 not as fundamental as my small friend\u2019s above \u2013 but I struggled to choose what exactly to write here in relation to \u2018Black Lives Matter\u2019. Personal and professional experience on the topic I\u2019m not short of: over the past decade, many black, Asian and multiracial people have sought me for therapy instead of a white therapist, expressing that by doing so they hoped they would be more readily understood on issues of race. The organisational training that I\u2019ve facilitated has also tended to be on this topic. And, I\u2019ve 37 years of being an Indian woman also to draw on. I\u2019ve plenty to say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a therapist I\u2019m not necessarily interested in sharing my views and experiences: I want, primarily, to listen. I feel differently in personal conversations, yet in these, I sometimes also find that the one doing most of the listening. Moreover, usually this is with progressive white men who feel vehemently about equality. How is it that they seem to have more to say on a topic that I, undoubtedly, have more experience in? This kind of behaviour is problematic; and certainly contrary to the \u2018Black Lives Matter\u2019 cause. It got me thinking that there is something that can be done immediately to interrupt this: If you are white discussing racism with someone who is not: listen more, talk less. That\u2019s it. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A white, male friend of mine sums this up as \u2018giving way\u2019. In some contexts, he is inclined to \u2018give way\u2019 more; and in fact, he does this whether talking about race or gender or not. He knows it\u2019s always the subtext given his privilege.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This advice, to \u2018give way\u2019 and to \u2018listen more, talk less\u2019, is contrary to most of my work \u2013 and values – as a psychotherapist. I usually help people to strengthen, not diminish, their voices. This has been a tad conflicting for me, but I square it thus: systemic discrimination \u2013 as evidenced by many, many global statistics \u2013 is a specific context. One that requires humility. And, white people, men, do please talk about how you feel \u2013 just be conscious with whom. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m not suggesting that educating oneself about racism and discrimination through books, films, etc. is not necessary \u2013 I just thought that \u2018listen more, talk less\u2019 was a neat starting point. And one that helps navigation through seas of complexity and confusion.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u2018I\u2019m white in the mornings and brown in the evenings\u2019. This is what a four year-old of dual heritage told me recently. I wanted both to laugh and cry. And what this exemplifies is that the topic of race is as confusing \u2013 and conflicting – as it gets. Moreover, such feelings are far from … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “Interrupt discrimination without lifting a finger: listen more, talk less”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-331","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorised"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chandcounselling.co.uk\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/331","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chandcounselling.co.uk\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chandcounselling.co.uk\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chandcounselling.co.uk\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chandcounselling.co.uk\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=331"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/chandcounselling.co.uk\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/331\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":563,"href":"https:\/\/chandcounselling.co.uk\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/331\/revisions\/563"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chandcounselling.co.uk\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=331"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chandcounselling.co.uk\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=331"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chandcounselling.co.uk\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=331"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}